It's said all the time but...

Yesterday, while I was studying for my upcoming Chinese midterm, I stumbled upon this documentary, The Blood of Yingzhou District. I have never watched a documentary more devastating and heart wrenching. This says a lot given that I've seen a number of dramatic films, ranging from Schindler's List to The Pianist, and not shed a tear. But this documentary truly tore at my soul.

The Blood of Yingzhou District follows a few children who have been orphaned by AIDS. In an attempt to make money and support their family, their parents sold their blood. What I've gathered from the documentary is that everyone's blood would be mixed together, all the plasmas would be removed and then the blood would be returned to the body so that they would be able to give blood again sooner. In that way, if one person had AIDS 50 other people would contract it.

What got me the most when watching this documentary was the story of Gao Jun, a 2 year old boy who is HIV positive. With the death of his parents, the only person willing to care for him is his grandmother who is mentally unstable. It really hit me hard when I saw his distended belly and his body covered in scabs. It is so painful to see a child be outcast from society.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that this documentary really made me appreciate all that I have in life. My life is probably better than 99% of the world. I feel like humans always ask for too much and I really want to try to be grateful for what I have. I hope that more people watch this documentary and I hope that one day I can truly help children in these conditions

Work and Work

Due to popular demand, I'm going to write another entry. lol

I started my new work schedule this week. Excluding 6 am shifts at Starbucks, this has been the worst work schedule ever. Anyone who has ever met me knows that I am not a morning person. I do not enjoy waking up to catch the sunrise, no, I enjoy waking up at high noon when most peoples' days are half done. I enjoy lounging around and eventually getting my lazy ass to class. Therefore, my previous 1:30 class schedule was ideal. Mondays and Wednesdays were my rewards for terrible 10:30 classes on Tuesday and Thursday. Unfortunately, I now wake up at 7:45 am those days. By the time 8:30 pm rolls around I just want to crawl into bed and sleep. In essence, I have become a cranky old grandma.
I'm currently brainstorming ways I can maximize my sleep. The idea of going to work tomorrow in my sleep clothes, with bed head and a mug of coffee seems rather appealing right now.
Midterms are approaching, as in I have a midterm tomorrow. Studying for tests were always soo much easier in high school. Mainly because I had absolutely nothing to do every night except my homework. I was so studious and responsible. Clearly, that is no longer true. For example, instead of studying for my psychology midterm yesterday I instead spent over 3 hours doing absolutely nothing. When normal people say this it's usually an exaggeration. I, however, am in no way exaggerating. I sat in front of my lap top, ate watermelon, facebook stalked, smoked cigarettes, and moped. When I was done moping I happily realized that I was way too tired to study efficiently and decided to go to bed.
Awesome

What to do next?

I've been blogging since I was a freshman in high school. I guess it's been a good 7 years since I wrote my first entry. That seems so long ago. I decided to get a new blog and leave my livejournal behind since my entries were rife with entries about teenage angst, grammatical errors, and other embarrassing writing disasters.

It's currently around 4 weeks into the school year. It's weird realizing that I am actually an upperclassman now. I'm not sure how I feel about such changes. It seems horrifying leaving the security of college life. At the same time, I'm pretty sure that I'm ready to have more independence and leave behind the shit ton of work that I always have. I can't imagine waking up everyday for the routine 9-5 job but I also can't imagine continuing procrastinating about the paper that's due in approximately 8 hours (yes, that's happened too many times to count).

I guess it's about time that I find out what I want to do with my life. It's funny how no one has ever actually said that to me. It's always been, "Don't worry about it, you have time." Well that's simply not true. I'm pretty sure I should some idea where I'll be 5 years from now. It's funny how in high school I was more prepared to answer questions like that than I am now.

I've grown up with the SATS always looming over my head. Ever since I entered school I knew that I had to study well and do well on the SATS. Why? So I can get into a great college. Clearly I'm past that stage in my life. The SATS have long passed and I can barely even remember what I got on the 3 sections. The problem is that no one ever told me what I should do after I get into college. Granted I should think for myself and determine what I want to do with my life myself, but when you've been brought up in such a regimented environment it's a little difficult to have so much freedom. I know that my next step is either Grad School or finding a career. But study what in Grad School? Can I handle studying for so many more years? If not grad school, where will I find a job? In what field? Where do I start looking?
Too bad there's not some sort of life guide/map. It would definitely make things more convenient.